I don't just eat; I listen to your stories.I don't just listen; I write it down.
Pantry Talk
Tatamarin ka nang maghabi ng pantasya sa isip mo.
Magigising ka na lang na tulala at nakatingala sa kisame,
sabay sabing……. “Bahala Ka na nga.”
Believe it or not, it feels good to cry.
Cry even when you don’t know the reason why.
Just cry. Pour everything out.
Why not ask, scream, or shout?
Cry and feel awesome when you’re done
Cry and feel something comes out aside from tears
Cry and the weight on your chest,
the weight on your shoulder eventually disappear.
So cry, whether you are male or female.
Cry when songs remind you of something or someone else.
Cry even when you do not know the reason.
Cry as if you’re crying with joy.
Cry as if you are a new born baby,
calling Abba, Father, my Daddy.
Just cry.
C-R-Y.
Crying gives awesome feeling as laughing does.
Cry and finally say,
Believe it or not, it feels good to cry.
Princess Ni
While enjoying our Victory Group at Burger King-Calamba, one of my group mates asked an astonishing question. She asked why God created us and, despite of His being omniscient, let things happened up to the extent that He had to die to give salvation to everyone. She added that God could actually kill Adam and Eve when they sinned and did not let man grow in population and eventually pollute the world with sin. No Jesus needed to be sacrificed for mankind if God did not create us or even let us grow in population.
I was speechless. I tried to answer using my “amateur theology” but I could not. None of us was able to give her the exact answer. What actually struck me was not the question but what she exclaimed, “I don’t want to be here (on earth) either.”
I went home meditating on the discussion we had. If I answer her question now, I will say that God created us to shower His love to us. We are His object of love. He wants “something” to love not because He is incomplete but because His fullness is superb that He created “something” to experience His fullness. Honestly, I am not sure if my answer is correct or not. I don’t care. What I know is I based it on how I experience God’s love now. Just to balance everything, experiencing God’s love does not mean no more trials come my way at all. There are still trials, but treating them with much optimism, knowing that God has a wonderful plan for all.
It is written, God wants nothing from us but to live our life to the full (John 10:10). Personally, I find it shocking. I thought we have a God who wants us to sacrifice everything we have – time, attention, money, and so on. As God opened my eyes and ears for me to know His fullness, I understood that God wants nothing from me but to receive everything from Him. Yeah. That’s what He wants from me.
I don’t want to give conclusion or judgment to her statement. I know her. She loves God and she is a disciple of Christ. Honestly, I had the same thought before. Last year, I was suicidal and questioning God for giving me life just to experience too much suffering in this world. Now, I think I could not exclaim a statement like that anymore. Why? This is because I love to be in this world. Despite of the poverty and all negativities I witness, I love the truth that God created Nicalyn Agor. I love my past, my present, and my future! Yeah, I love it!
If I did not exist, I will not experience being loved and being in love. I will not be able to experience embracing my youngest sister Psyche, laughing with my friends, praying for my future husband, crying for the failures I’ve done, grieving for my brother and realize that life is so short to waste, and so on. I will not be able to experience tasting my favorite dessert. I will not be able to brainstorm with other people. In short, there are various things to miss if I did not exist – both good and bad moments that helped build my character.
If there is love I would miss if I did not exist is the love that comes from God. Believe it or not, the love He gives is incomparable. The commitment He gave to me (and to you) produced a lasting intimacy that I enjoy so much. I wanted to know Him more and more – His fullness, His manner of loving, His plans for me, His strategy to put me out of a trouble, and so on. He is my Prince Charming as well as my Knight in shining armor. The reason I aspire, plan, and act is because I find joy in doing it. I enjoy chatting with God as I do every little chore. God is my everything. He is the reason I live.
So this is why I exist: to enjoy His grace and love.
Day 2: Response to His love Letter
1/10/2012
Dear Dad,
Though I already knew that You are always willing to communicate, I was so amazed by how You responded to my prayers today. When we had our lunch in a fast food chain, I told You that I don’t know what to tell you. Thus, I just updated You regarding my whereabouts, my desires in life, my secret admirations, and so on. I also asked you how to achieve those promises you gave me regarding my family, city, and country. I asked for instructions on how to become victorious.
You are so willing to communicate. You gave me a love letter that really made my day! I just read Deuteronomy 28. Alana recommended this letter to me. God, I couldn’t explain the emotion I had as I was reading this love letter from you. God! How awesome You are that obedience nowadays means focusing on what you did on the cross and not on the law You gave to the Israelites thousands of years ago. For as I fix my eyes on Jesus, I automatically obey the law as You wrote it in my heart. Thank you so much that You gave my brother Jesus Christ so that these blessings are mine. Thanks God!
Dad, help me be with You for the rest of my life. With the promise You gave me regarding this nation, I want nothing but to do Your will for this country. Jesus, remind me that we are one – in heart, mind, and action. Remind me always that you already did everything for me and nothing I should do but believe that You already prepared everything for this cause – to make known to Filipinos that we are already blessed by Your mighty hands. We must sacrifice nothing and do nothing but to claim what are ours!
Dad, thank you for the promise that as we fix our eyes on Jesus, this nation will soon borrow nothing from other country but will lend money to many nations. God, how I love those days to come for this nation! How I love seeing my fellow Filipinos enjoying your love and grace. Daddy, nothing is impossible, right? This country is yours. We are yours. Thus, I know that all the blessings You mentioned in this love letter I just read are already ours. Thank you, thank you, thank you that obedience means nothing but to fix our eyes on Jesus and what He has done on the cross. For as we fix our eyes on You, Jesus, we will realize more and more that we can do things that we thought are impossible. You are supernatural, my Father, and so are we, your children!
Dad, thanks for this reminder that you already blessed us. Thanks for letting us know that when Jesus died on the cross and rose again, curses are not for us anymore as Jesus took all of those on the cross. We are blessed for You blessed us. God, THANK YOU!
Sincerely,
Ni
Day 1: I call it a date!
1/9/2012
This was my first day of fasting. However, the type of fasting I did was not a “hunger-strike” kind of fasting. Most people know that I am thin and quite look underweight. God knows how much I desire to gain weight. I love it that God requires no sacrifice from me as Jesus did all the sacrifice 2000 years ago. Thus, I decided to fast by not using or even visiting any social networking sites and chat rooms, limiting TV watching, and by eating alone so that I could talk to no one but God!
Before anything else, I thank God that fasting is NOT any of these things:
- a requirement
- to get God’s attention
- to get what I want
- to show God that I’m turning away from sin (The things I put down during fasting do not cause me to sin. Using social networking sites, chatting, watching TV, and eating with other people are not sin.)
- to break spiritual bondages
- to get spiritual power
- to be filled with Spirit
This week I fasted because I want a greater revelation of who God is, of what He has done for me, and of who I am now.
I just took my lunch alone at Patio, located at the 7th floor of PBCom Tower. As I was eating my lunch, I talked with God. It was as if I was having a date with Him. Yeah, I call it a date. I told Him how much I love Him and how much love I receive from Him. I told Him that I really don’t deserve being loved like this by a King, but He made me deserving for His love.
When I was done eating, I set aside my plate and began reading the 2012 Seven Days of Prayer and Fasting booklet. What caught my eyes is the quote from Ptr. Ernie Aragon Jr., which says
“Fasting is not about getting more spiritual power. It is about fixing our eyes on Christ’s finished work and understanding that through His sacrifice we have already been given all things, including spiritual power. In fasting, we deny our flesh, our own self effort, and receive all of these by faith.”
When I was done reading some of the practical tips on fasting, I wrote down my prayer points. My prayer points were not petitions to the Lord. Before I wrote them down, I asked God’s grace in filling up my list. Last year, I already had my list before the fasting week; now, I prepared nothing.
Before I wrote down each prayer point, I audibly talked with God. Yeah, I did it audibly. Other people might catch me talking alone. Of course, I didn’t want them to think I’m insane. Thus, I used my cellular phone and pretended as if I was talking to a friend on the phone so that if someone arrived, he might think that I was just speaking to a person. After some minutes, I came up with a list of prayer points. Again, these are not petitions to the Lord but a list of things I will do this year under His full guidance.
I thank God that He keeps His promises. I am excited to know Him more as I continue having a date with Him.
Photo: http://www.faithfullyyours.net/Shopping/Digital/Digital-Elements/Jeremiah-29-11-TagArt
Oh how I miss these gals!
They are my soul sistah.
We usually meet on Sundays and talk about God’s grace and love and how to apply it in our lives.
They did not introduce God to me; God introduced us to each other.
Absolute bliss!
During our lunch last month, I noticed Marge’s nails. The nail polish she used amazed me so much. She applied blue cracked nail polish over orange base nail polish, which really looked great!
Surprisingly, Alchris Mendoza gave me a blue cracked nail polish last week as his Christmas present! Thus, I excitingly asked Marge to apply the cracked nail polish on my nails. The problem was I didn’t have a base nail polish. Luckily, Camille let me use her white nail polish, which was also a gift from Alchris.
And so here it is! A combination of love from Alchris, Marge, and Camille! :)
Thanks, guys!
Oh, I forgot to thank Gerald as well for sending me these pics. :) Thanks, bro!
